the crescendo

i am here. it is beautiful. the people are amazing!

i went to the genocide memorial here in kigali. i wept uncontrollably. i read about children who were brutally murdered as young as 9 months old in their mother’s arms. i will write more on this later – i only have another 10 mintues on the internet for today.

thank you all for your prayers – we have been able to sit with people and hear their stories. as i said, the people here are amazing.

i preached today. i may post my sermon next time i’m able to get on the internet – but it was a great experience. we met with a protestant group at the local hospital. they meet for a brief church service during lunch twice a week. i preached about how it is they who should be preaching to me and thanked them for their work. i encouraged them and in turn they encouraged me greatly.

kevin keeps introducing me as “pastor becky.” it is easier to just go with that than explaon that i was a pastor but now i’m in training and a long process with the episcopal church etc. i have been surprised at their welcome of me as a woman pastor.

this has been a surprisingly good few days…the computer is dying so forgive my inelloquence…more later.

thanks for your continued prayers!

i’m leaving in a few hours time so this may be my last post for a while – don’t know when i’ll have internet access so let me just say that, despite the annoyance of crazy dreams, i am more afraid of malaria so i will indeed be taking the pills.

i took my malaria pills for the first time last night.  i’m a hypochondriac, so it could totally be in my head, but my dreams seemed like i was locked in a horror-sci-fi where all my worst nightmares come true:

snakes

spiders

a dispensationalist’s apocalypse

bush is permanently president

FAILING A CLASS!!!

and all so vivid – so when i woke up in the middle of the night, I wanted to stay awake and began to wonder if i’d rather just deal with malaria than live in a nightly horror flick….but it’s probably all in my head so…i’ll keep taking the pills

i think i may have sat up and loudly sang some praise song about Jesus because i was scared of some giant spider thing in my second nightmare that i thought was demon possessed…but that may have been in my dream too – if i did, james, brooke, and cade – i’m sorry and don’t worry because i’m leaving at 4am tomorrow!

I long for the day when swords will break and the fields will grow again

I believe in the day when our words will be love and we’ll forget the ways of war

And we will run to the mountain

-Restoration Project

this is Rwanda – one of Africa’s most beautiful nations. It is nestled in the mountains with an interior sea to the west. Beautiful as it is, Rwanda is also dark – a blood bathed land. Centuries of warring between two people groups has ravaged the land. It’s earliest missionaries only furthered this warring – setting one group over the other then changing their minds and setting the one lower group high about the once elevated group. the genocide of 1994 was only the worst in a long history of little violent eruptions.

can i go there singing this, my favorite Restoration Project song?

I’ve waited a long time to get to Africa. I started a non-profit that raises funds for Africa using art. I have worked with Invisible Children and World Vision. I have wept and pleaded with God. I have done everything I can to educated my friends and motivate them too to live a life dedicated to the aid of this deeply suffering continent – and finally – my feet will touch the ground there! and…

and I will be preaching, praying sinners prayers, doing street evangelism – all things I cannot stand here (a little preaching in the context of a faith community is fine and even good – but the rest of it boils my blood). i once did something called “evangelism explosion” – in a past life. i look back on it and cringe – a past sin i wish was not a part of my story and here I am, invited to do this in Rwanda. Is this what it looks like for our words to be love? Is this not just more war? Us versus them?

Rwanda is 95% Christian – ok, largely Catholic – does this mean that we are converting Catholics? those of you that know me and my passion for Ireland will know immediately how this makes my stomach churn.

I want to run to the mountain. – wherever that is in this case

Yesterday, I read a book about the genocide. A pastor, when his people asked for help – when sent a pleading letter from his flock stating that they were to be killed the next day – responded: “You have your solution: You must die; God does not want you anymore.” And he helped to kill them.

As I read this, I wept. And I keep talking about this crescendo. And I keep talking about running to the mountain – and that great day when AIDS will be healed and war will be forgotten – but can I continue believing it in the face of this story? In the face of a pastor who massacre’s his devoted flock?

Is this illusive Kingdom – this mountain we run to like the mountain in the picture – beautiful at first but truly dark and blood-bathed? Is the great cathedral like the churches of Rwanda – filled with the bones of the slaughtered?

and yet…and yet, there is a glimpse of hope. where better for these bones to rest? the resurrection is coming. it has to be. and these bones as well as my dying heart will wait there together…and let it be Lord, that the mountain we run to is truly one of peace and love – of arms to hold orphans and healing for AIDS. Lord let it be that this mountain is as beautiful as it seems – and Lord let me find breath-taking glimpses of that mountain in the next three weeks as I am in Rwanda.

Lord I beleive – heal my broken-hearted unbelief.

And friends, pray for me – lend me your faith.

Can you hear it breaking? Pains of labor crying out.
Do you hear the breathing? New life will rise around.
Do you hear the laughter? Children finally finding safety?
Do you hear the sound of freedom finally flowing?
Can you hear them running, wild horses in the field?
Do you see them blooming, flowers we haven’t seen for years?
Do you see him standing? The King alone will make us rise.
Do you hear him calling?
Run to the mountain.
Run to the mountain.
-Restoration Project

bryan, in resonse to my new blog, suggested that i have a link to th e old blog.

my intent is to upload the old blog, which i’m told i can do, but i don’t know how.

in the mean time, here are some of my favorite entries:

riding the bus 

sids, judgement, and a bad day

what i would write if i knew how 

quotes out of context retrospective 

a trinitarian reimagination of theodicy

my parting sermomn at lake city pres 

journey through the capitol hill massacre:

• de-humanization
• broken news 

the ocean breathes salty 

encounter at 3,000 feet 

 faith, hope, love and death

a winding world of seeming subjectivity

and…that’s all.  hopefully they’ll all be uploaded here soon enough.

welcome to my new blog. it’s been a long time coming. i hope that you will comment and converse with me about the coming kingdom.

i’ll be posting thoughts, questions, poetry, photos, papers, stories etc.

i look forward to a growing conversation about the coming of a loving, just, beautiful and sustainable kingdom!