the crescendo

so many things i could say.

here’s some things i’ve been able to do:

pray with the sick – including holding the hand of a woman dying of aids – i mean in the last days – and praying for her.  i sat by her bed for 15 minutes and just held and stroked her weak, swollen hands.  i hate that it means so much just because i’m white – but at the same time, if it gives her encouragement and comfort – if white people represent God and she remembers that God is with her, I guess I’ll ambivalently rejoice in that.

play, dance, and drum with orphans – it was such a blessing.  between this and praying with the sick, i feel as though my passions have come to fruition – that i have finally put some flesh to what my heart bleeds for.

i’ve made some amazing friendships that i hope last forever. 

and then there was today – we went to a crusade – a four hour crusade.  the sermon was about turning to the Jesus of substitutionary atonement to avoid “eternam damnation.”  i couldn’t handle it.  i almost got up and left.  here, i was not respected as a woman pastor.  i was practically ignored while my male counterpart was encouraged and exhorted and this is the hinge of the trip.  we are now working with a different ministry.  please, please, please pray for me.  i don’t know how i’m going to get through this week.  one of our assignments is to teach on how family and friends are hinderances to discipleship.  i’m teetering between crying and screaming – between a broken heart and anger.

please also, as i promised her you would, pray fro Kadesha, the woman dying of aids – she may already be dead – i’m not sure – but i told her that she was not alone and that my friends, family, and church who sent me would pray for her to be filled with God’s love, comfort, and presence.

Thank you.  Peace and Love to you all.